On Grieving
There are as many ways to grieve as there are people and there are many reasons we may grieve. Here are just some of the things that may cause grieving: death of a loved one, loss of a relationship, past trauma, pregnancy loss, loss of a dream, unresolved relationships, estrangement, broken family bonds, a life changing event, just to name some of the possibilities. As we grieve we may think that we are feeling too much or we may fear feeling our pain or we may feel numb or wonder about an inability to cry or wonder how long our grieving will take. We may feel absent from our lives and unsure how to do anything. Or we may be constantly thinking in a loop of painful thoughts. Grieving is a natural response to our losses but just because it is natural doesn’t mean it isn’t one of the hardest things we will ever do. Other people may not know how to be with us in our grieving or may even feel scared of approaching painful emotions. If there is some initial support, after a short time we may be encouraged to move on, carry on, and get back to work, or we may not have a choice but to get back to work and care for loved ones, even if we feel unable to. Grieving may seem to take the totality of our being for a time, yet our society seems to have forgotten how to grieve.
Amidst the disorientation of grief, grievers also sometimes experience a range of physical symptoms. Grieving is involved with a part of the brain called the limbic system which is also linked to appetite and sleep, which can lead to insomnia and loss of appetite. In addition, some people experience headaches, anxiety, gastro issues, heart palpitations, exhaustion, physical pain and other health problems after a loss.
All of this can sometimes derail the grieving process and some of us may then experience prolonged or complicated grieving. Grieving has its own timeline and we can’t think our way through it, but there is hope.
Your brain while grieving
When you form a bond with another person, or fall in love with anyone in any kind of relationship (whether spouse, partner, child, sibling, friend) the brain also forms a bond. As time passes, there are neurons that are devoted to firing when we see a person we love, and as the relationship grows stronger, we develop even more of those neurons. When we lose someone, whether to death or the end of a relationship, the brain drives us to try to find the person again but we cannot. The brain in relationship to another actually makes the loved one a part of you by the part of your brain that is responsible for your sense of who you are. Your loved one literally feels like a part of what you think of as you. After a loss, our brains do not understand what is happening and why we can’t find the other person. This is as true when a relationship has ended as it is when someone we love has died. The brain is also affected by other kinds of losses in a similar way. It takes time for the brain to rewire itself and this process can be supported.
Somatic Practice Can Help
Because grieving is physical, comprising so many parts of us and so many systems, one helpful way through it all is going back to the body using somatic practices. Somatic practices are primarily focused on your own inner experience. They may be done seated in stillness or they may incorporate simple, gentle movement along with attention to breath, visualization and guided attunement. No matter where you are starting from, it is possible to use somatic practices to safely expand your internal awareness to a kind of “body knowing”, slowly reestablishing safety in being with yourself and your own feelings. Connecting or reacquainting with your body can help you begin to feel your own internal navigation system of what you most need now and what you will need each step of your process. The body is already trying to help us process and with a little support we can slowly begin to metabolize the grief.
Andreanna
Embodiment Institute Somatic Healing Programs
Somatic Movement Teacher and Coach